tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post2649319523299909806..comments2024-01-31T11:37:10.331-06:00Comments on Born-Again Hippies: Turning SixtyRandy Haspelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15371114789022032381noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-85331637555845037862008-02-22T21:29:00.000-06:002008-02-22T21:29:00.000-06:00Hey, Randy, your cousin Arthur here.You know, I ha...Hey, Randy, your cousin Arthur here.<BR/><BR/>You know, I had dinner with your mother a couple of weeks ago. She doesn't look 60, so how can you?<BR/><BR/>I had a friend who said: when he was 30 and went to the doctor, the doctor said "you have the body of a 20 year old." When he was 40, the doctor said "you have the body of a 25 year old." When he was 50, the doctor said "you have the body of a 30 year old". But when he turned 60, the doctor said "you have the body of an 80 year old". There you have it.<BR/><BR/>And then there was my college roommate's father. When he turned 65, I asked him how it felt (how could I have done that??). He said "it feels great". I said "it does?" "Yes," he said, "I was always afraid I would die young, and now I know that can't happen."<BR/><BR/>I wondered what would happen when I turned 65. Now I know. I get to go on public transportation for half price and sit in the seats that say "reserved for senior citizens". Other than that, nothing changes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-67033280187931844532008-02-19T20:27:00.000-06:002008-02-19T20:27:00.000-06:00Guy's father is getting infirm and son deliberates...Guy's father is getting infirm and son deliberates over what to do; dad lives 200 miles away and so with misgivings he places dad in a home there. He tells pop that he'll be back in a week to check on him and then promises to return every month after that.<BR/><BR/>Week later kid is back, walks into room and his father says, "Son, this is the absolute best thing you've ever done for your old man! First morning I'm here I wake up and there's this young nurse, blond, big tits, fixing the sheets and dammed if I don't get a hardon like I haven't had since Eisenhower was President. And that nurse looks down and gives me the best blow job I've ever had in my life! You have got to be the best son a father could have."<BR/><BR/>Kid drives back home thinking things are alright and returns a month later. "Son, you gotta get me outa this place right now!" his father says, "I can't stay here one more day."<BR/><BR/>"What happened dad, I thought you liked it here?"<BR/><BR/>"Yesterday I'm walking out in the hallway and slip and land on my butt and this big black orderly drags me into a broom closet and fucks me in the ass for over half an hour...you gotta me outa here!"<BR/><BR/>"But what about the nurse, dad? Remember? Blond, big tits, great blow job? Shouldn't that make it OK?"<BR/><BR/>"Son, I get a hardon once, maybe twice a year -- I fall down three times a day."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-84785605759352291652008-02-19T19:35:00.000-06:002008-02-19T19:35:00.000-06:00Last birthday I got a card with a list of those "Y...Last birthday I got a card with a list of those "You<BR/>know you're getting older when" phrases that tick off things that are unfortunately a little bit too true;<BR/><BR/><B><I>"You know you're getting older when:</B><BR/> -- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work...<BR/> -- Your knees buckle and your belt won't...<BR/> -- You feel like the morning after and you didn't go anywhere the night before...<BR/> -- Your back goes out more than you do..."</I><BR/><BR/>Then I realized that there is at least one good thing about getting older - that (if you're lucky) you have friends you've known literally for decades, that you couldn't have gotten<BR/>any other way than by the compounding years, by getting older, and maybe that's enough to make all the other aspects, the everything hurting, the knees buckling, the getting up at night to pee, tolerable, worth all those little (and not so little) aches.<BR/><BR/>So yeah, RJ, what with Bob-the-Slob and others like him you still can count as friends, maybe it ain't really all that bad, maybe you're really quite fortunate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-826233255244103002008-02-19T08:09:00.000-06:002008-02-19T08:09:00.000-06:00Randy, there's always my cure for a problem prosta...Randy, there's always my cure for a problem prostate free life. No flow problems, no annual digital rectal exam, no prostate. They just took mine out at the age of 49 (10 years ago) when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.<BR/><BR/>A fellow freelance videographer gets his health insurance from the local farmer's coop. No farming required, not even planting tomatoes in the yard.<BR/>bbAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-30206928599726034282008-02-19T01:41:00.000-06:002008-02-19T01:41:00.000-06:00Great things you experienced in order to be 60:How...Great things you experienced in order to be 60:<BR/>Howdy Doody, Davey Crockett, Rock 'N Roll (Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Fats Domino, and Elvis), Teen culture, Teen dances, Muhammed Ali, The Beatles, International pop music, the "Swinging Sixties," leading to war and the counterculture, drug experimentation and birth control, Nixon and Watergate, the fall of the Berlin Wall and the Soviet Union, the first Gulf War, and the current vanity war for oil led by our most incompetemt president. <BR/>I wonder what the next 60 will look like?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-80147933903105967672008-02-18T21:10:00.000-06:002008-02-18T21:10:00.000-06:00Yo, Bunkus---I just got home from work and I see t...Yo, Bunkus---<BR/>I just got home from work and I see that Thrupence threw in a few thrupence. Good for him. When Zachary saw him in California about 10 years ago, he emailed me to let me know that he had finally met Rick. His tag line was, "when he dies I think they'll make a wallet out of his face." It's true. <BR/><BR/>And, I've been sitting for about 15 years, not so much because I spray, although I certainly can on a random basis, but because I get tired standing up for so goddam long. <BR/><BR/>Much love, old salt.<BR/>Maybe I can get down with some good drug for you in the summer or fall..... (Prevacid, Flomax, Flonase)<BR/>GreggAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-57882850703832869152008-02-18T21:01:00.000-06:002008-02-18T21:01:00.000-06:00Having just turned 50, I feel like a child here, b...Having just turned 50, I feel like a child here, but Chop's post reminded me of the following story:<BR/><BR/>They were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. <BR/>Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last 2 decades.<BR/><BR/>One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane unfortunately crashed, sending them off to Heaven.<BR/><BR/>They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now. "<BR/><BR/>The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, <BR/>nothing," Peter replied; "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."<BR/><BR/>The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are <BR/>the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.<BR/><BR/>"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day, any time of day that you want."<BR/><BR/>Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the <BR/>man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."<BR/><BR/>The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.<BR/><BR/>"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"<BR/><BR/>The old man inquired, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer.<BR/><BR/>"No testing my blood sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."<BR/><BR/>The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your damn bran muffins. We could have been here 20years ago."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-31542865655958748492008-02-18T17:29:00.000-06:002008-02-18T17:29:00.000-06:00Misery does love company. Getting old is a drag. E...Misery does love company. Getting old is a drag. Each of us is a pioneer treading on heretofore unknown ground and it is a little bit freaky. I am 61 and have known you since you were in the seventh grade. In fact, I have a mental picture of you from back then on the bus that we used to ride home from East High. I started freaking out when I turned 59. Mentally, I was still 20-something, but turning 60 meant no more fooling myself. 60 is deadly serious, because it is the portal to the era of old age...a.k.a. the sudden death zone. Now getting older is like accelerating into a brick wall. The horizon that used to be endless is now drawing uncomfortably close. Oh well, we were blessed to have lived through the best of times. One thing that helps me to put things into perspective is to think of all the sick kids at St. Jude. When I do that I realize that I have nothing to complain about. We need to keep a stiff upper lip and walk gracefully toward that place from which only one person has returned. There is no getting out of the grim reality lies ahead. As Dan Rather used to say at the close of his broadcast...'Courage'.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-49216803786605444772008-02-18T17:06:00.000-06:002008-02-18T17:06:00.000-06:00I don't know about the rest of you but for myself,...I don't know about the rest of you but for myself,I'll take (almost) sixty any day. There is no good alternative so we better enjoy and go on and wear out all the parts before we go. I'm not saving anything for anybody.I plan on going on hard and sliding into death looking like I had the invitation years ago. Viva Life and everything that goes with it. Although the hips could be a tad smaller.Hell, I hope I make it to 60. ChopAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-64554299119488638222008-02-18T16:40:00.000-06:002008-02-18T16:40:00.000-06:00It's the damn split stream at 3 a.m. I can't under...It's the damn split stream at 3 a.m. I can't understand. One stream hitting the toilet dead center and the other soaking my foot or the shower door. My 40th reunion is in Sept. and I'm trying to avoid being the guy that gets his belly patted and hears the old "ain't missing any meals, huh bud?", because if I suck in for 4 hours, I WILL get a hernia.<BR/><BR/>RonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-3330560297718373732008-02-18T15:46:00.000-06:002008-02-18T15:46:00.000-06:00RJDon't be blue, you could at least live thru this...RJ<BR/><BR/>Don't be blue, you could at least live thru this season with the Tigers and end up with a real set of "Blue Balls".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-76812897290111454082008-02-18T12:47:00.000-06:002008-02-18T12:47:00.000-06:00Very funny...sad...but very funny. Hey, things co...Very funny...sad...but very funny. Hey, things could be a lot worse; you could be on Flomax AND Viagra, in which case you wouldn't have a clue if you were coming or going...(rimshot). Also, resembling a bassett hound is far superior to being compared to a Sharpei, which I can attest to from personal experience. But, no matter how you cut it, suffering through almost any phyical problem is better than pushing up daiseys, (as my old man used to remind me). Stay well, at least until your Medicare kicks in.<BR/>Love, GoldieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-73961723932432531902008-02-18T11:31:00.000-06:002008-02-18T11:31:00.000-06:00Randy you are ONE talented writer! How you can mak...Randy you are ONE talented writer! <BR/>How you can make 'this' subject funny is beyond me.<BR/>I just had to actually pull a calculator out to see how old I really am. I'll be 59 this July! SHOOOOT, I thought I was 58!<BR/>All I can say is this part of life, that's arrived, is God's way of saying "Look how much better it'll be when you get HERE!" Something tells me it'll get worse before it gets better though. . . . . . . Oh Well.<BR/>Que Sera Sera ... or is it Kay Sarah Sarah? Three chicks in the phone book . . . . . snore... sppptt. .. . .ZZZZZzzzzzzz .. <BR/><BR/>Pat "the Independent"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-28279473947865583072008-02-18T11:14:00.000-06:002008-02-18T11:14:00.000-06:00Yeah! we're 60 all right! At our class reunion a f...Yeah! we're 60 all right! At our class reunion a friend told me that a former cheerleader was stairing at my package. Package? My disposable underwear was all bunched up! I've had knee replacement but I need a complete overhaul. I sleep with a C-pap mask because of sleep apnea. My wife thinks she's having an affair with the Elephant Man! My wife (7 yrs younger) says when her car needs new parts she genaraly turns it in for a new one. She works for a drug co.that came out with a drug that had interesting side effects-when you sneezed you could possibly have an orgasm. I suggested that the patient carry 2 hankerchiefs. Imagine! You sneeze! "God bless you!" "Oh! He did! He did!" Peace be with you! PadreAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-7239778926871647652008-02-18T10:59:00.000-06:002008-02-18T10:59:00.000-06:00glad I am not a guy!glad I am not a guy!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-19717504769494844222008-02-18T10:56:00.000-06:002008-02-18T10:56:00.000-06:00Randy, Remember when you,Bob & me won the talent ...Randy, Remember when you,Bob & me won the talent contest and our prize (for first place) was $5.00?<BR/>We blew that money at the Krystal across from East High. That seems like a couple of week ago. Don't look at getting older----look at is as gaining more experience. <BR/><BR/>P.S. Please don't hit me in the stomach again. I'm not in shape now. <BR/>I love you brother!!!!!!!!!!<BR/><BR/>Mac DaddyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-34854847894689577012008-02-18T10:28:00.000-06:002008-02-18T10:28:00.000-06:00I am 71, dating a 35 yr old woman. Sounds good bu...I am 71, dating a 35 yr old woman. Sounds good but has numerous drawbacks. But I am willing to fight thru it all. The pleasure is worth the pain.<BR/> <BR/>I too prefere to sit to urinate, I get so tired standing there waiting for a dribble or two.<BR/><BR/>I dont look my age, I could pass for a 69 yr old.<BR/><BR/>Lifes a bitch and then you die, any day I wake up on this side of the grass is a good day.<BR/><BR/>Relax and enjoy the ride.<BR/><BR/>D from tennesseeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-84384040807803137002008-02-18T10:14:00.000-06:002008-02-18T10:14:00.000-06:00LOL! Randy, I identify sir....I'm turning 61 next...LOL! Randy, I identify sir....I'm turning 61 next month and have had prostate problems so long I have named it Butch. Growing old is not for sissies.<BR/><BR/>JoelAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12901178.post-62075461833744215652008-02-18T10:03:00.000-06:002008-02-18T10:03:00.000-06:00I can honestly say that after reading your article...I can honestly say that after reading your article I feel more like I do now, than before I read it.<BR/>Was I through.......?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com