Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Scrap NASA

I believe that in a severe fuel crisis, the first two things we can do without are NASCAR and NASA. NASCAR is inherently pointless, as well as being an enormous waste of fuel, but I still haven't figured out what was the point of the moon landing. Still, I understand congratulations are in order, we just landed a bush-hog on Mars. Of course a radio glitch held up Mission Control's orders to start up the robotic arm, which will ultimately scoop up a load of red dust that will be analyzed and tested and found to be Mars dirt, much like Moon Rocks.

I appreciate the breakthroughs in communications and technology that the space program has given us. Thanks guys, for the cell phones. And cable television is groovy, but we've had man-made Earth satellites buzzing around since 1957. These public relations based manned missions to the space station have offered great experiments in weightless mice with cancer and entertaining space walks, but now they can't even fix the toilet, giving new meaning to the phrase, "That shit don't fly." The space race is over when we have to float on over to the Russian Soyuz laboratory to ask to use the crapper.

All that phantasmagorical ruminating about our destiny being beyond the stars has caused us to fry up over a dozen astronauts in high gimmick looksies. And other than Tang and "A-OK," what has it gained us? Our multi-trillion dollar Space Patrol is a machismo remnant of the JFK era that made our country feel good once upon a time when we could afford it. That time has passed, and we could use the jet fuel to avoid paying $15.00 for a suitcase to ride in the cargo hold of one of our clueless airlines. And what is it the Phoenix Mars Lander is looking for? Ice. Someone should tell them there's a new thing out, it's called a 7/11.

I know; If there is ice, perhaps there were primitive lifeforms on the planet millenia ago, but is this meaningful in our understanding of our human beginnings? Instead of Ray Bradbury, our country's scientists should have read more Plato and his commentaries on Atlantis. Myths and legends have surrounded the sunken continent since before the printed word, indicating that an advanced civilization existed in the time before the Great Flood that gave birth to all the societies we know today. Had we spent the resources exploring the mysteries of our own oceans' depths, we may well have advanced knowledge in medicines and increased our understanding of the origins of the species. I'll repeat; our rockets have been pointed in the wrong direction.

We have had a cultural fixation with outer-space since Orson Welles and the flying-saucer craze of the Fifties. A cottage industry of movies, music, TV, and fiction have all grown around it. I think we can pretty well conclude that, despite all the testimony of anal probing, nobody's watching us. Let NASA keep sending us the pretty pictures of deep space and the birth of galaxies, but enough with the Flying Wallenda stunt flights. I don't care what Cheese Whiz looks like in space, but I'm pretty sure that's what is stopping up the commode. Can you imagine what a plumber is going to charge for a house call to the space station? Now that's what I call government waste.

9 comments:

Gort said...

Klaatu Barada Nickto.

Anonymous said...

i want to know how many damn women are on that space station.Not enough or the bathrooms WOULD WORK.When you have a government that spends $500.00 on a single hammer then what do you expect.Hell ,i have enough trouble navigating around this damn city who cares about outer space. I'm with gort---klaatu barada nickto.Peace out, a real girl

ghg said...

I have to respectfully disagree, and the disagreement is in the range of 175 to 185 degrees in the opposite direction. Basic science is what Galileo, Archimedes, Darwin, Copernicus, Einstein, and all those other guys and gals who have changed what we know, how we live, and what continues to help define what this thing is that we are, what this thing is that we are on, and what the hell is going on here. We don't know what will come out of basic research but something always does. Everything we know how to do came from it...even which plants to grow in what kind of soil 4500 years ago that brought us agriculture.

Now, my question is this....what's got you so upset? I don't think it's NASA. I think you've got something else going on. The invective is too charged. You all right?

Anonymous said...

I LIKE SPACE...AS YOU KNOW I LIKE TO DWELL IN WAY TO MUCH FOR ONE OLD FART AS I COLLECT A MUSEUM'S WORTH OF STUFF. I LIKE THE IDEA THAT SOME DAY WE CAN LEAVE THIS ROCK AND AVOID ASTEROIDS ETC.............. PLUS MAYBE WE COULD LIVE ON ANOTHER PLANET WITHOUT ALLERGIES.ASSHOLES AND REPUBLICANS. SORRY TO REPEAT MYSELF ON THAT ONE. ANYWAY I SUPPORT SPACE EXPLORATION BUT NASCAR AND NHRA AND OTHER GAS GUZZLING MONSTERS .....NAH!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T NEED EM.

sc said...

I'M SURE YOU HAVE RESEARCHED NASCAR BUT I'M TOLD IT IS THE NUMBER ONE ATTENDANCE
SPORT IN AMERICA. THAT CREATES A WHOLE LOT OF ADVERTISING WHICH ULTIMATELY MAKES
THE WORLD GO AROUND AS WE KNOW IT. I SAY FIRST WE GET RID OF SOCCER. TOO MANY
PEOPLE GET KILLED AFTER THOSE GAMES. NASCAR LOOSES A DRIVER EVERY NOW AND THEN
BUT SOCCER LOOSES MANY FANS A YEAR AND DOES NOTHING FOR THE US ECONOMY.
THINK HOW MANY TIRES AND ENGINES ARE BEING MADE ON A DAILY BASIS FOR NASCAR.
AND HOW MANY JOBS IT CREATES. I'M SURE IT WILL SLOW DOWN BECAUSE OF HIGH GAS BUT
NOT FOR THE CARS ON THE TRACK BUT THE ONES WHO DRIVE TO THE EVENT.

NASCAR IS THE NEXT CLOSEST THING BESIDES BASEBALL TO OUR AMERICAN HERITAGE.
DON'T TELL ME THEY ARE TRYING TO TEAR DOWN THAT TOO.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY CAMEL RACES THEY DON'T BURN NEAR AS MUCH GAS AND CAN
GO LONGER WITHOUT WATER.

I DID ENJOY THE COMMIT ABOUT LANDING A BUSH HOG ON MARS. IT WILL BE A GRAND DAY
WHEN THEY DO FINALLY FIND SOME KIND OF LIFE ON ANOTHER PLANET.

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

SC

Alan said...

You would have been a big hit in the Dark Ages.

Anonymous said...

OK! I get the joke! You are against NASA because your name is Sputnik (named after commie spaceship) and you want the wide open spaces just for the Ruskies(sp?) so the Russians can take over the world...if not the universe. Not to invoke Joe McCarthy but I am quite suspicious....but I'm with you on NASCAR. We should go back to the dirt road drag racing of yesteryear. We did it to win the honor of our sweet heart! It was a rite of passage!There was no endless circle! It was a straight and narrow dirt road of freedom! We are at the cross road America!
PAT BUCHANAN

Anonymous said...

The great Bo Didley passed away a few days ago. He brought a lot of inspiration to a lot of people! He once told us that "you can't judge a book by looking at its cover." He was right! But you can judge a song by listening to its cover and our friend Randy & his Radiants covered that Didley song and they did an amazing job giving it a kind of raw Brit/rock sound! (PLUS ITS GOOD THEOLOGY!) I believe they did Bo Didley proud.You can hear it on their CD The Memphis Beat. Muddy Waters did a pretty decent cover of " I'm A Man!"(NOT AS THEOLOGICALLY SIGNIFICANT BUT YOU MIGHT GET YOUR MOJO ON AFTER LISTENING WHICH COULD LEAD TO A PRO LIFE SITUATION!) Bo was also a gunslinger which is something he had in common with Charlton Heston. Peace To all! FatherFarken

Robespierre said...

I agree with ghg, NASA's accomplishmens in space have been an inspiration throughout my life, and have led to numerous scientific breakthroughs. (Where were you when we landed on the Moon?) Besides, we have to find a way to get off this planet before the Republicans with their hide-the-head-in-the-sand attitude towards climate change and pollution makes the planet uninhabitable. Book my flight to Mars!

I do believe the problem with Randy is that his toilet is stopped up, and his $500 hammer couldn't fix it.

Randy, I have several NASA patches, if you'd like one to affix to your space toilet. Call me a space cadet, but I hope NASA finds some new way to channel our space aspirations for the future.