Friday, November 14, 2008

Sympathy For The Doofus

White House staffers have been revealing a "genuine sadness" around the West Wing these days. One report said that Bush was concerned that his presidency is being compared to Herbert Hoover's, but that would be an insult to Hoover. His morale was reportedly so low, he practically gushed when honored by the Intrepid Air & Space Museum that everything was "fabulous," from the brave troops to his fabulous Dad. Sarah Palin went out of her way in a Miami speech to thank Bush for keeping the nation safe from another air attack of hi-jacked domestic carriers, while our currency sank like the Lusitania. An anonymous assistant explained that Bush is so distraught because they had planned to spend his last few months in office doing "legacy stuff," but the sudden economic collapse prevented them from accomplishing much. Let me clue the Bush folks in, the economic collapse is his legacy.

While all crashes down around him, Bush still persists that a de-regulated free market is the soundest regulator of itself, a true believer until the bitter end, just like Herbert Hoover. No, Bush's "legacy stuff" consists of criminal capitalism masked by a populist concern for small "bidness," the war in Iraq, torture, rendition, Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, Blackwater mercenaries, illegal wire-tapping, the corruption of the Justice Department, and the No-Fly List. And who doesn't know in their heart that it was Dick Cheney who ordered the outing of Valerie Plame to get even with his critics, and it will only be a matter of days before the criminal Bush gives a full pardon to the patsy, Scooter Libby? And now we're treated to a battery of headlines in the conservative media about how horribly Bush has been treated by all parties in the recently concluded election.

Are we supposed to feel sympathy for Bush because his name was exceeded in toxicity only by Cheney's, and no one wanted to be seen with him, including McCain, who's tardiness to the White House endorsement created the opportunity for us to watch the Buffoon in Chief do a little of the old Shuffle-Off to Buffalo? Bush was the Bubonic Plague, the kiss of death, and the Evil Eye to any Republican who dared utter the name. All he has attempted is in tatters, especially the Constitution, so that it will take the new President at least half his first term trying to unravel Bush's political dingleberries. But now he's feeling lonely because he's no longer popular. This from a man who came to the office with no vision, only a cult of personality that carried him along like a leaf in a gutter after a rain-storm for his entire career. The Bush Presidency was the biggest farce foisted upon a gullible populace since Milli Vanilli, and the full effects are yet to be felt by all those hapless loyalists who have lost their jobs and don't even know it yet.

Possibly Bush's greatest accomplishment, aside from re-starting the Cold War, is his escaping impeachment. When Speaker Pelosi announced in 2006, that "impeachment was off the table," I remembered Tip O'Neill, who said in reference to Nixon in similar circumstances that, "the best interests of the country must come first." Nancy, you're no Tip O'Neill. And Bush's most egregious and visible violation is that he betrayed his Oath of Office to protect and defend the Constitution and he knows it. That's why he's working double time to write immunity for himself and his cronies into law before he leaves office. Bush envisions a leisurely life commuting between a home in Dallas and the ranch, when he's not off on a lucrative speaking tour to "fill the old coffers," in the President's words. But I envision Bush answering summons after summons without protection from John McCain, like Gerald Ford was to Richard Nixon. This is a man with questions to answer and it's best that they be asked under oath.

George W. Bush is the Frankenstein monster created by the unholy alliance of Fundamental Christianity and a Godless Corporatocracy. He was a Pied Piper, born-again Evangelical Christian, ruthless free-market capitalist who granted access to untold riches for the already rich, while preaching that "government is the problem" to the "social" Conservatives. Even now, while jobless claims are skyrocketing, retail sales are plummeting, and the GOP coalition has been shattered, a Pew Poll found that 60% of people who identified themselves as Republicans, believe the party should go in a more conservative direction. Nixon's 1968 "Southern Strategy" has come to its' fruition, the GOP has become the party of the Old South.

Mine is not the only family who has decided to cut back this Christmas. Instead of lavishing presents on everyone, we're going to draw names and buy one nice present each. Other family's are teetering on the verge of bankruptcy or foreclosure this holiday season with nothing to hope for but a new administration and the departure of Bush. So when Bill O'Reilly revs up his annual "War on Christmas," he need no more than look in the White House to see the Grinch. Sympathy for Bush? I have no pity for this reckless man who, even now, can't bring himself to admit his part in the disaster his policies have caused. I merely worry over the old adage about the cornered animal being the most dangerous. When Bush was elected, he joked that among his first orders of business before moving in after Bill Clinton, was to give the Oval Office a good cleaning. I suggest that before the Obamas move in, they should acquire the services of an exorcist, and that's no joke.


oliver cromwell said...

"You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go."
Oliver Cromwell to Parliament, 1653

Anonymous said...

If the Bush family spends Xmas at the new ranch in Paraguay, they might not come BACK.d

jane said...

You are freakin' brilliant......I knew there was a reason I loved ya!!!!!! That may be the most amazing piece you've written.......keep 'em coming!!! xo Jane

Gregg Grinspan said...

A truly poignant and precise indictment, Randy. Your knife is equal to the task. Some spill from me below..

Let us consider that there are people who are dead. There are people who have limbs missing. There are people who have lost their homes, their jobs, their dignity, their self respect. There are people who have lost their rights. There are people who are in jail, even now as I type. There are children who will never be born. There has been a large swath of avoidable human tragedy. Unavoidable.

There was someone in charge. There was someone who told us that he had the tools to be in charge, to take care of our business, to protect us from things outside of our personal control. We elected him, in some part, because a group of his friends' friends told lies in the national media smearing the war record of the man who also said that he could take care of us. Smeared just in time by Swift Boaters.

Unfortunately, the other man didn't say, "I was standing on a beach with bullets flying.

No, sir, one did not hit me in the forehead.
No, sir, one did not blow into my right eye enucleating it and blowing the side of my face off.
No, sir, one did not hit me in the heart.
No, sir, one did not blow my kneecap off.
No, sir. But one hit me in the thigh.
I was lucky, sir.
But, sir....I was standing on the beach.
I am not a patriot, sir?
How can you say that...sir?"

No, he didn't say that. So, we got the guy who benefitted by the awful smear. Nice way to get elected. Very nice.

There are people who are dead....

Good bye, Mr. Bush.

Please leave my country, Mr. Cheney.

Mr. Bush is an idiot, Mr. Cheney. You, Mr. Cheney, are a criminal.

Anonymous said...

Who is this guy Sputnik and why isn't he writing for a national paper or mag. Good,Good,Good writing man. Keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

Who is this guy Sputnik and why isn't he writing for a national paper or mag. Good,Good,Good writing man. Keep them coming.

Mr. Haspell IS writing for a fine newspaper, the Memphis Flyer most weeks. screw this "national" paper crap. all politics remains local, as does media. Cherish what you have in your own communities, and kiss chain media good bye!

Anonymous said...

I don't live in Memphis Dude, or I would support your local rag. All I'm saying is the guy deserves a national platform. He's a brilliant
writer. Nuff said.

MDC said...


your closed mind again said...

The list of corruption in the Bush administration, pales in comparison to that of Clinton. The only thing that stands out for the Clinton legacy is his immoral behavior, lying under oath, cheating on his wife.

Anonymous said...

I'll tell you why he is not writing for a national newspaper. It takes more than being able to put words together to be a good writer. Randy can do that. What he can't do, that will always keep him from being a good writer is the content of his writing. It is too vile and one side and closed minded to ever be hired by any important organization.
You just like him because you agree with his onesided stance.

Father Farken said...

Randy! Your writing has inspired me so much that I am standing in front of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville where George Jones sang that most moving song you pitched to him...CALL A WRECKER FOR MY HEART! I swear I felt a tear fall from the sky... It had to be Hank! or a pidgeon! Next...I am going to the Country Music Hall of Fame to see your 10 Gallon Yamuka they have on display! Your words have infected us all. Closer than a Brother! FatherFarken