Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Governors Gone Wild


Imagine this as a screenplay. Right before Christmas, a factory in Chicago gets their credit cut off by a greedy banker, played, of course, by Michael Douglas, and the company fires the entire workforce without even the benefits they have worked to earn. The workers, led by John Leguizamo and Jamie Lee Curtis, urge their companions to protest and, just like Rosa Parks, they finally get tired and decide to sit down. They believe they're going to jail, but the sympathetic police captain, Morgan Freeman, who used to be a working stiff, is hesitant to arrest anyone so close to Christmas. Two days later, the factory is surrounded by media and supporters and even the newly elected President, Denzel Washington, voices his support. But here's where the plot gets tricky. The workers' sit-in gets so much attention that the Governor, already under investigation, decides to get involved.

The arrogant Governor of Illinois, played by Alec Baldwin because of the hair and the temperament, comes to the workers' aid and puts pressure on the mega-bank, in this case we'll call it the Bank of America, to come off of some of the $25 Billion they've just been given by the government, to help out the working man. This makes the CEO of BoA, Kevin Spacey, worried about company image and his pension, and the Board goes into conference to consider the Governor's threats to cut off all state business with the bank. The next morning, the Governor's threats look like extortion as he is hooked up and carried away by the FBI who have been listening to his conversations, just as he invited them to do. Gary Hart appears here as himself. They even hear his greedy wife screaming in the background about appointed jobs and lucrative positions. I know it sounds impractical, but I really believe Kim Basinger could give an Oscar turn in this role. But just as things look grimmest for the factory workers, and they watch as their main supporter does a perp-walk, the bank decides it's Christmas time and peels off a few singles from their wad of billions and gives it to the company owners, Ben Kingsley and Judd Hirsch. I haven't decided yet if the bosses will give the money to the workers, or buy them each a Christmas turkey and kick them out the door.

Cut to a dimly lit office with a smiling President Denzel sitting with his Chief of Staff, portrayed by Hugh Laurie. They are both Chicago politicians and should be concerned that the Governor's arrest will rain on their inaugural parade, but they are chuckling. A recording just turned up where the Governor referred to his former colleague, the President-elect, as a "motherfucker" who would not give him what he wanted, and a no-nonsense Special Prosecutor, Nick Nolte, holds a press conference shredding the disgraced Governor's reputation and exonerating the new President. But here's the kicker. It turns out that the old bareknuckled Chicago poll, the President's Chief of Staff, was the one that blew the whistle on the Illinois Governor in the first place to protect his new boss. The two men clink snifters of cognac before a roaring fire while a montage shows all the factory workers' kids getting just what they wanted for Christmas and the company owners basking in the warmth of their generosity. As Sonny Corleone said to Michael just before he shot the police captain, "Yeah, they just might like a story like that."

Governor Rod Blagojevich, if not ending the Obama honeymoon, at least flushed the toilet while the Love Train was still in the station. He proves that greed, arrogance, and idiocy know no party, yet he is in a class all by himself for naked corruption. I had just written about former Tenn. Governor Ray Blanton and his pardon-selling scandal when Blagojevich goes and puts Obama's former Senate seat on eBay. Tennessee has had corrupt officials, but we only put them in jail one at a time. If, wait-who am I fooling, when Governor Blagojevich is sentenced, he can do time with Illinois' former Governor Ryan, a Republican. In fact, justice would dictate that they be cell mates, with conjugal visits from Bubba and Eugene. This blatant contempt for basic honesty may not taint Obama, but it certainly embarrasses him at an inopportune time, and gives ammunition to his enemies when his concentration needs to be elsewhere. If Blagojevich had a shred of decency, which is questionable, he would take the Elliot Spitzer route; apologize profusely, resign, and disappear. Or as they say in Texas, make like horseshit and hit the old, dusty, trail. The sooner the better.

12 comments:

billy wicks said...

RANDY, YOU SURE CAN WRITE ONE HELL OF A SCRIPT, THEY CAN USE YOU IN HOLLYWOOD. STAY SAFE B/W

Cousin Cliff said...

If you want to see the Gov's e-bay add, here is the link: http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/

There is a game we play soemtimes, called "Name that Party." When the scandal involves a Republican, the writer points that out within the first couple of lines. When the scandal involves a Democrat, it is often hard to find out what party he belongs to. Today's post is a case in point. What party do Blagojevich and Blanton belong to? At least you pointed out Ryan's.

Anonymous said...

Nah,,,,, nobody would find this believable. The script does fit my life credo though.... "Anything worth doing, is worth overdoing".
rek

will reed said...

randy you are unbelievable -

willreed

Bobby said...

I bid $25 billion for the office of Senator from Illinois. Corruption knows no bounds in this "great" country of ours. It would appear things are not going to be so different with a Democrat as they have been for the last eight with a Republican.
As we will be in Iraq through 2011, I guess the sitting President (on the pottie) is quite right when he brags that the Armed Forces are well set for the future with the wonderful practice they have had in Iraq and Afghanistan. Stretched, over-burdened, short handed, NAH!!!!!
When Iran takes the plunge and nukes Israel and North Korea invades the South and the Soviet Union (er, make that Russia) invades Poland (again),
our Army made up on minute units will be well set to withstand entire Soviet (er, Russian) armored divisions.
Randy, that is not the real Billy Wicks (we want Wicks, we want Wicks) who wrote you? How about Lester Welch? Those were the real Wrasslin' days.
Bob Weymouth

Anonymous said...

Randy is indeed a first rate journalist. I would go so far as to say that he is better than many of the professionals. I just wish that he was more 'fair and balanced'. He is so rabidly pro-Democrat that this blog is so much preaching to his choir. Case in point, I started years ago as a liberal and was forced to the right by virtue of the sheer weight of facts and my own experience. After being hypnotized by the right for a number of years I have moved to the center so that I can see and judge the truth and the bullshit that inevitably comes from either side of the political spectrum. Depending on the issue, each party has their spin, deception , and bullshit. I am getting better at discerning whatever good or bad may be proposed or done by either party. I am now a confirmed Independent. The Democrats are wrong as often as the Republicans, but if you are blinded by bigotry and prejudice, you tend to be rabidly one way or the other. The same is true in regard to religion and other issues. So often when I read this blog the responders excoriate anyone with the slightest difference of opinion. That is imbalanced and tends to put truth-seekers off. One of my favorite expressions is that there are two sides to every story , and then there is the truth. The point is that you would have more credibility and broader appeal if you weren't so one-sided. Why don't you consider occasionally saying that a conservative may have a good idea. They aren't wrong ALL of the time. I didn't vote for Obama, but have been pleasantly surprised by what I have heard from him so far. My hope is that he will do so well over the next four years that I will vote for him in 2012. When I was under the conservative spell, I could never have said this. I say all of this in the spirit of constructive criticism. Don't paint yourself into a political corner. It limits your effectiveness. One more thing, having said all of this I fully expect to be excoriated by your choir. When you are in the center, the bigots on either end of the spectrum piss on you. But then that is the cost of confronting bigotry.

ghg said...

Was just able to read your always worthy heat. Am outside of the borders of our US of A right now and the rum that they use to clean the keyboards of the computers here seems to have caused some expected and not unforeseen trouble. However, you are in my heart. As is the woman on the couch to your right being eyed with all the gratitude that exists by the black dog on his back in front of her.

Anonymous said...

Funny, I thought a "blog" was for your very own thoughts and opinions. Was I wrong? Seems to me that Mr. Haspel can write,say and think anything he wants on his own blog. So you go right on ahead Mr. Haspel and write all the Dem stuff you want because all the young people I know love your blog. Keep up the good words.We need more old guys like you that are smart and have lots of time spent and lots of wisdom to share.Power to the People.

Father Farken said...

Bobby my child! That really is Billy Wicks that posts on the BAH! Peace be with you!FFF

gimme a break said...

I agree. Randy will never be a first rate journalist. The kool-aide has blinded his ability to see both sides.

SIREEN said...

First of all I would like to express my new found appreciation for our current president George W. Bush who showed excellent ALIesque & ROPE-A-DOPEian athleticism in dodging & weaving a pair of deadly shoes thrown from an Iraqie Jounalist. There has been an obvious media bias in the covering of this story! Why has it not been reported that these shoes were obviously stink bombs & weapons of shnoz destruction? As you can see in the vidios the shoes were Pewmas and they were heading straight toward W's nasal passages like a kick in the head...known to primitive warriors as the POW! PEW! PUNCH! I reject Fr. Farken's position that this journalist was just inviting our president to take a faith journey with him & walk a mile in his shoes! Our President laughed it off & suggested that the Iraqies not charge this crime against him . This means one of two things. Either W is an authentic man of faith or he has one weird & freaky foot fetish! YoursTruly! SIREEN

Cousin Cliff said...

Happy Birthday, you (old) born again hippie.