With apologies to Rufus Thomas, B.B. King, and James Brown. Let everybody say "Yeah." Alright, break it down fellows, I got something I want to say. That's right, now bring it way down so I can talk to the ladies for a minute. Ladies? I said LADIES! That's better. Let me ask you a question. Did your old man come home drunk last night because he was laid off at the job, and he crawled in bed feeling all romantic? And while usually you might push him away, this time you didn't since times have been so rough on everybody, only now you have need for the morning after pill, Plan B, or whatever they call it. So you go down to the corner drug store only to find that the pharmacist refuses to sell it to you because he has a religious objection to birth control? Well, did you know that's just what Senator Roy Blunt's new bill will allow. Anyone along the birth control distribution chain whose religious views frown upon contraception can claim a "conscience objection," and refuse to sell it to you. That includes clerks, shelf-stockers, and cashiers. Now, can I give the drummer some?"Everybody, scream!" Let's say you're a single lady and you went to a party and met a nice guy who seemed attentive and funny, so you ended up having nightcaps at your place, and Marvin Gaye was playing on the stereo and one thing led to another. Only, some time later you discover that the SOB was married and something is off with your cycle. It's been less than a month, and since you would never consider carrying the child of someone else's husband, nor do you consider a non-breathing zygote with a prehensile tail as fully human, you wish to terminate the pregnancy. Only President Santorum has gotten his wish that abortion be criminalized and outlawed in all cases, and even rape victims should consider a resulting pregnancy as "a gift." So, you turn to Planned Parenthood, but they've been defunded and/or bombed and all the physicians that performed the procedure have gone underground to avoid assassination from the insane anti-abortion zealots. And now, the only place left to go is underground. Can I get a witness? Ladies, having Rick Santorum as president would be like having Franklin Graham as your prom date.
Break it down band, and let me talk to the fellows. Guys? You didn't think this wasn't your issue too, did you? Imagine your 16 year old daughter getting early admission to that prestigious college she's been dreaming about. All the arrangements have been made, only at the last minute, she gets pregnant by her ex-boyfriend who is joining the Marines. After your family has cried about it and prayed about it, you all decide the best course is abortion. Only, you live in Virginia, and the state legislature passed a law that requires any woman seeking an abortion to first have a state mandated ultrasound, in order to humiliate them into reconsidering. Since most abortions occur within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, this would require a "transvaginal procedure," in which a probe is inserted into the vagina and manipulated to produce an image. Fellows, I don't know about you, but forcibly penetrating a woman for no medical reason sounds awfully close to rape to me. The Virginia legislature might have known this had they consulted any women, but the bill was on the governor's desk when even he backed out, so to speak. Governor Bob McDonald, looking like a graduate of preacher college, covets the Vice Presidency, so he decided to soften the bill by eliminating the invasive kind of ultrasound, but not the procedure itself. Now, 'scuse me while I do the Boogaloo.
People always talkin' bout less intrusive government, but that's just about as intrusive as you can get. All these candidates for president are trying to prove who's the most conservative. One guy says he's "severely conservative," while his opponents line up to say, "I'm the most," "No, I'm the most," when what they're really saying is my penis is larger than yours. Have you ever heard anyone describe themselves as "severely liberal?" Not even Trotsky was that liberal. Progressives never brag about who's the most liberal of all. Even Bernie Sanders, the Socialist Senator from Vermont, doesn't boast about it. And what about that congressional hearing about women's reproductive issues held by Rep. Darrell Issa? Women are 52 percent of the population, yet a House committee couldn't find any to join their stag party. "Issa in 'da House!" These GOP candidates aren't running against Barack Obama so much as they're running against the 1960s. Republicans want to run your sex lives when they can't even run their own primaries. Now, did you heard me?
Now, I got one more thing I want to say right here. I believe in the power of love, yet here comes this guy Ricky Santorum, who thinks he has the final definition of what love ought to be for you and me. He believes that sweet love should only be for married people and even then, just for procreation. I know someone else who believes that way; Pope Benedict XVI. A long time ago, a Catholic man named John F. Kennedy ran for president and assured the electorate his allegiance was not with the Church in Rome, but with the United States Constitution. Now, this Santorum person runs for office claiming that JFK's address was "a horrible speech," and that he prefers Papal edict. Not the kind of Christianity practiced by Obama, because according to Rick, "He has some phony theology. Not a theology based on the Bible." The Sanctum Santorum believes contraception is against God's will, and has seven children to prove it. And In Rick's world, prenatal screenings only cause more abortions to "cull the ranks of the disabled" in society. So, good people, what I'm trying to say is that you should get down on your knees and say, "Thank you President Obama for being a moral, family man who keeps his business to himself. Thank you, Barack, for concentrating on the whole house instead of just the bedroom. And thank you for being the only thing standing between us and the Sexual Inquisition." Any woman who votes for a Republican now, has got it coming. Can I get an "Amen?" The name of the group is The Coat Hangers. Now, let's hear it one time for the band. Goodnight everybody!
7 comments:
Randy, what you are saying here has merit, but at the same time it plays into the Power Elite tactic of distraction. Do you really think the Koch brothers (for example) give two shits about other people’s sex lives? I strongly doubt it, because I doubt that they care about anybody’s life at all, other than their own and that of their own dear ones (should they have any?).
The play here is to get people to vote for the lesser of two evils. They want the citizenry at odds with one another over this or that issue (“value”) so they are distracted from the power grab they are making. The Reprivateans babble their insanity which the masses are to take seriously, be it as craziness or as “rightousness.” As David Sirota points out in a recent article, this prolonged primary season is serving to put forth the most extreme “right wing” messages as possible, and that serves the agenda. Progressives need to take notice and keep focussed.
The powers that be will celebrate an Obama landslide victory, not because he wins but because the citizens are happy and hoodwinked yet again. Thus, the heist can procede with little disruption, as long as the Occupiers’ messages don’t gain any ground into the consciousness of the people.
WTF? I think that I just fell down the rabbit hole and am hearing the 'white knight talking backwards...'. This all just goes to show how lasting the effects of LSD are. Screw Santorum, he is a bit looney, but there are others running in the Republican primaries. Do the progressives know about Sputnik? If they do they should make him the Baby Killing Czar. Every day he could put on his butcher's apron, put on his galoshes, and suck the brains out of millions of babies' heads while singing 'blood and gore all over the floor and me without my spoon'...a dream come true. I have to agree with 'Performs' comment in regard to 'The play here is to get people to vote for the lesser of two evils. They want the citizenry at odds with one another...so they are distracted from the power grab they are making'. However, both the Republicans and the Democrats are selling America out to the globalists and both of the Bushes were as guilty as hell in this regard. I lose respect for conservatives who make apologies for them. The 'little people' are being sold a bill of goods by both parties and will always be faced with voting for the lesser of two evils (because both parties are evil), and this issue is in the eye and mind of the beholder. We are all coming to the same end and it is not gong to be pretty. The U.S. government in toto is the biggest threat to every American. Like Dylan said, 'We are pawns in the game...'.
To WTF, Well let me just say that it's asshole men like you that think they can run a womans uterus. Mr. Haspel is a smart, kind ,generous man with more brains and wit then you could ever have. That being said I must coment on your STUPID words. Unless you have a uterus and can birth a baby then you need to shut the fuck up. It makes you sound like an idiot when you make insane comments that make no sense. And what up with the spoon comment? Are you just a useless dick or are you just a little pussy? Oh, and I have a dream for you ... that you not wake up tommorow or if you do that your a poor woman that has just been raped by a hugh thug and now your pregnant with this crack heads baby and you can't get an abortion because some GOP assholes say it's not your right. Or maybe it could be your little girl that got gang raped and now she's "knocked-up?? What cha' gonna' do now Blippo??
Alittlegreen, your hormones (or demons) have posssed you and are making you say hysterical things. I have already said a couple of times that women have a right to do with their bodies as they please. Do you realize what this statement means? It means have as many abortions as you wish. So, what are you being so hysterical about? Please read more carefully. I often make points by using hyperbole. Don't take every word too literally. One more thing...why are leftists so mean-spirited? Ever heard of dialogue? It will get you further than to come at someone with an emotional, take-no-prisoners steamroller.
I read this blog occasionally along with a number of other leftist blogs. I seldom make a response to any of them, because I have better sense than to beat a dead horse. This is to the Anonymous who causes such a stir here. Wise up. These people hate America and everything that it stands for. They also hate you and your traditional values. So why bother? Most of these people are hopelessly lost and will emain that way. Traditional values are gleaned from the Bible. Do you think that any of them embrace the Bible as revealed Truth? No they don't. Your protestations just make them want to crucify you. It has always been thus with this element. You are wasting your time, energy, and intellect.
I can't argue with anything that you said. I realize that I will never change any minds here. Political convictions are like religious convictions. It takes a conversion experience to change. In order to have a conversion experience one must have both humility and an open mind. Not likely to find either here. I am a lay psychologist and sociologist. It is so fascinating to see how these people respond to the slightest thing that challenges there deeply held biases and prejudices. If one of their sacred cows is gored, they become enraged and want to eviscerate you. That is fascinating, especially since they try to pass themselves off as paragons of tolerance, love, peace, etc. They are tolerant only of those who share their views. All others are to be crucified. Tolerance is just a mask that they wear. Challenge them and they drop their masks and their true hate-filled nature erupts. This is especially true of the females. They scream and curse like demons if you say something that they dislike. That is fascinating to observe. I probably shouldn't take advantage of their condition, though. Call it a weakness.
Anon 6:56,
Please help your pathetic, and "fascinating", brothers and sisters by divulging the secret to your open-mindedness and your great tolerance and understanding of the concerns of others. Surely we would find it inspiring, and it might even foster an actual life-altering experience. Do tell.
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