Monday, October 07, 2013

That's Entertainment

My wife has informed me that I've been doing nothing but ranting and raving around the house over the ongoing government shutdown and the yellow rat bastards that created it, only the sole recipient of my eloquent fury has been her, and she's worn out.
Melody said, "I hate it when you do that!"
"Do what?" I innocently inquired.
"You know what you're doing. You're not talking to me, you're writing that thing and practicing it on me." We've only been married eleven years. Melody should know by now that I would angrily soliloquize, thing or no, about these half-wit anarchists that have sold-out our government for a pittance, gaining nothing. But she has suggested, for the benefit of my mental health and her own, that I should try to write something humorous, like I used to before pridefully ignorant peckerwoods began dictating a Santa's list of demands before agreeing to fund the government. I'd like to, but what's funny lately? PeePaw scaling the walls of the shuttered World War II Memorial in D.C.? Anyway, to please my wife, which is never unwise, I've decided to return to entertainment. So now, I would like to do one of my favorite political impressions that I'm forever being asked to do at parties- the angry Tea Party Republican. Ladies and gentlemen, with your permission, let me just strap my holster to my leg and present for your enjoyment, that friend or relative that we, particularly in the South, know only too well.

   "Hey bub, let me tell you one damn thing right off the jump, I don't consider myself one of those Tea Party crazies. I'm a conservative libertarian. All the polls show that the majority of real Americans don't want Obamacare because it was shoved down our throats by one political party. Obama is eager to destroy America and about half the country can see that. Vladimir Lenin referred to American liberals as "useful idiots." Lenin used them, but he was disgusted by them. Nobody but liberals want to live under totalitarianism.The liberals want all power centralized in a world government. Then they can dismantle America at their leisure and institute any form of tyranny they want. Americans have become mindless, dependent sheep. They are so addicted to government handouts, they will believe anything to keep those out of office who will take away their freebies and make them work for a living. The less intelligent must receive unending subsidies and hand-outs provided by those who actually earn money. Obamacare is socialist legislation, passed along party lines as a gift for the country's first African-American president, because not supporting it means you are a racist. The whole deal is just another giveaway to people who refuse to be responsible for their own lives. I still believe he is not a citizen of the USA and he is trying to destroy America from within and create hate for the rich by playing on the poor. He is the worst president we ever had, but Americans have become too politically correct to handle the truth."

Laughing Yet? Maybe a bit too harsh? You're right, it probably was too coherent for a Teabagger. Let me change my vocal inflection and give you my imitation of a right-wing, conspiratorial, doomsday prepper.
   Ahem.."Liberals don't do well under the light of truth. It makes it harder for them to fabricate their B.S. That's why they're for a censored media. Obama is nothing more than a hand puppet for the global Oligarchs he serves. After Hillary is elected, we will be a third-world nation until we're absorbed into the coming totalitarian New World Order. Hillary Clinton in 2016 will be America's first female, Marxist, bisexual, necromancing president. The Bible says Satan is the father of all lies. Politics is Satanic. The Democrats will blame Republicans if Obamacare turns out badly. It's just another theft of working people's money and giving it to the freeloaders. There ain't no free lunch. Just wait until the sale of your home will be taxed three percent to pay for Obamacare. Obama and the crooks he's surrounded himself with have carried their Chicago-style, thug politics too far. We are not yet to the point for the need for open rebellion, but we're heading that way. I hope you liberals like what's coming down the pike, because its your heads that will be on a pike. See you in the gulags. Maybe then you'll listen. "

Pretty far out, huh? I'm thinking of doing a one-man show if I can get corporate sponsorship. And if you think my rhetoric is much too radical for the mainstream, I must now tell you that I took all the above quotes directly from the "comments" section of my last several posts. And I didn't even include the personal attacks- wonderful statements like, "You are a very bad advertisement for the University of Memphis School of Journalism. Anyone with a grain of sense can see that you are a small-time, deluded muckraker and a sorry joke of a yellow journalist." Here's another dart: "You're the most prejudiced, one-sided, prevaricating commentator I've ever read. Stick to writing self-serving stories about yourself." Or, on the topic of race: "You brand anybody who disagrees with Obama a racist. You stereotype worst (sic) than any racist I have known. You are crazed over the issue of skin color. You are a virulent racist and an avid fan of baby murder." And while we've broached the topic of women's reproductive rights: "Aren't you glad that your mother was pro-life- at least in your case? Good luck after you close your eyes for the last time, and that shouldn't be many years hence." And my personal favorite; "When the Jews wipe out Iran and start looking for race traitors, you better hide under the bed." It makes me wonder, why should I labor so hard over these articles or fret about deadlines? This stuff practically writes itself. You've been great. Please tip your waitress- I'll be here all week.

 

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Randy, Randy, Randy you da mainist man. I enjoy your articles, wives dont understand.

ghg said...

Up early to get myself to work and here is a piece of warm pie to get my day started. RJ, I've loved your stand up for close to 60 years. Best part of it is that you actually stand up. You know, "stand up" as in for what you and the Christian bible both tout as the real deal... Do Unto Others. Quite a concept.
Stay safe, old and dear. A smooch to that sweet lady sitting on your couch.

Anonymous said...

Don't beat on your chest too hard, because the jury is still out. Some of the things that you scoff at the Tea Partiers about may yet come true. For instance, I think that Obamacare is going to be an unmitigated disaster. But, I at least acknowledge that the wise course is to wait and see. The proof of the pudding is in the tasting. If you are wrong, you will appear to be a fool for assuming to be all-knowing and for not giving the opposition a little bit of credence. Most of the items that you ascribe to Tea Partiers are long range predictions. They may take another 50 years or more to come to fruition. For instance, it is expected to take up to 100 years to implement the elements of the U.N. Agenda 21 (Agenda 21 is short for Global Agenda for the 21st Century). One thing is for sure, the bigger government gets, the more of a danger it is to individual freedom and private property. If government is allowed to grow ad infinitum, the natural consequence will eventually be total government or totalitarianism. Surely you know that individual freedom and private property are a thorn in the side of Progressives. They can't build their utopia without coercion and without disenfranchising people by taking their wealth away. Take away private property and no one can accumulate wealth, so no one can effectively oppose the government. Do you know nothing of the plans of the Progressives? Put this in your collectivist pipe and smoke it..."The smallest minority in the world is the individual. Those who support the interests of the collective over and above the individual cannot truly claim to support minorities". Most of the prognostications of conservatives that you mentioned are either directly or indirectly related to the stated goals of Progressivism. You really need to learn about the downside of Progressivism, and there is a huge downside for those who want to live free and to have a chance at parlaying their God-given gifts to accumulate a degree of wealth. But, to the dependent, slavish mind the goals of Progressivism sound wonderful...till the Progressive mask comes off.

Groucho said...

Hey, Jerry!

I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth sometimes...

Jerry The Liberal Slayer said...

Groucho, I am familiar with your zinger, but I don't see how it applies to this situation. Are you an educated person? It would make better sense if I were a welfare mother with 16 kids. Cigar=penis...get it, ha,ha,ha. Try again, but get some help in keeping your thoughts to the point.

Sigmund Freud said...


Look who's being disingenuous. Of course you see how it applies.

Sput's entire post was all about you. And what do you do? You just spew out more.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, Jerry.

Reverend Mr. Black said...

"The Cross of Christ is foolishness to those who are perishing". Besides yourselves do any of you neo-pagans know anyone in that category? Ashes to ashes were spoken of in regard to the physical body. The Earth reclaims her elements, but the human spirit is not in that category. Gambling with one's eternal soul may turn out badly. Hell is not a lake of fire, it is an eternity separated from God who is the source of every grace known to man. Can you imagine a place where the inhabitants are completely devoid of love, joy, goodness, kindness, etc. forever?

Jerry the Liberal Slayer said...

Sigmund Freud, so the cigar symbolized my conservative views. That was about as clear as mud and was not disingenuous. I merely thought that you were confused. Sput spews forth the 'truth' as he sees it, and I do the same. Why do liberals nearly always freak out when their views are opposed? Are they afraid that the opposing views might be true and blow their entire world view? Censoring has always been big with liberals. Sput is an exception to that and I respect him for that. Lighten up, Sigmund. Mental sparring is fun if you are able to participate. Read some non-liberal books.

Anonymous said...

It is helpful to remember that there are two sides to every story, and then there is the Truth. That is humbling to keep in mind.

The Reverend Mr. Black said...

Something may sound preposterous but it may, nontheless, be true. Who says that reality must conform to our expectations or experience? Truth is stranger than fiction isn't just a lame platitude. It is a way of saying that there is much more to what is going on than our rational minds are able to conceive. Moral of the story...don't be so cocksure that you have figured things out. Someone once said that it is a form of illumination to have a deep realization that just being here is a profound miracle. That goes right over the rationalists' heads. Miracle? What miracle? Everyone knows that everything is explained by evolution. In fact some claim that evolution is God. The elements simply randomly formed compounds that ultimately and amazingly became conscious beings and all else besides. What is more unbelievable... 1)reality is a result of ongoing and coincidental interactions of matter (can elemental matter produce consciousness, love, compassion, etc.) or 2)a belief in a conscious Creator whose fundamental nature is Love? Why do some try to explain God away? The reason is simple...no God, no accountability. Man becomes his own god and this ensures that disaster ensues. The infidels think it is because of poverty and a lack of education. Do liberals even know that there have been many righteous poor throughout history? Righteousness is a choice. The saints of old often lived in abject poverty and were quite happy, because they knew that joy was not a function of externals. The worst poverty is a poverty of spirit. Bottom line...man divorced from God is destined to create a hell of the Earth. Liberals think that we will evolve our way out of this mess when we become, through evolution, a race of gods. Good luck on that one.

Randolph Haspel said...

Jerry, I thought you would be pleased that I was getting your message out there. In fairness, it's just some of Jerry's more outlandish claims along with a different Mr. Anon who was merely nasty. Plus, there are several remarks from the comments section of the Memphis Flyer site. It will be interesting to see how they edit this one. Carry on...

JerJerry The Liberal Slayer/Anon said...

Sput, you are a good sport. I don't dislike you at all. Sometimes I say things on this blog that I regret. I do not mean to be unkind, but I dislike liberalism as much as you dislike conservatism. I am a former long-haired, dope-smoking, acid-dropping, anarchistic, New Age hippie. Freedom has always been my penultimate value. I would rather be dead than loose my freedom. This is what first got me into observing politics. I first learned that the Left is adverse to individual freedom and private property and was all about coercion to effect their will on the populace. My conversion to conservatism came honestly and thoughtfully and I fought it for a while because I was so opposed to 'straights'. In a sense, I was forced into conservatism based upon what I could see all around me. As you know, a reformed whatever can be obnoxious. I admit to being obnoxious. If you wonder why I chose this blog to express my counterpoints is because it is small enough to participate in. With many other blogs, ones response to a particular post is always number 433, of some such. I have already told you that a friend turned me on to your blog, but I do remember you as a musician back in the early 70's when I lived in Memphis for a few years doing to hippie thing. Bottom line, your devotion is to equality while my devotion is to freedom. These two elements are mutually exclusive, so it is doubtful that we will see eye-to-eye very much. You are always polite, more so than I, and you do not censor. For that you are to be praised. You are an effective journalist. My only beef is that you don't see the downside of both parties. The U.S. government, according to strict constitutional principles, has been a criminal enterprise for at least 100 years. Now the government poses a particularly deadly threat to freedom. Both parties are comprised of self-serving, power hungry usurpers, as opposed to true statesmen. If you could acknowledge the truth of that, I wouldn't have much to bitch about.

Anonymous said...

I prefer to use 'Anonymous' as opposed to Jerry because it is easier. One of my besetting sins is laziness.

performs said...

Jernonymous, have you ever tried taking a critical look at the real value of "personal freedom?" As long as one's personal freedom is entangled with wanting, controlling, maintaining comfort, convenience, certainty, and self regard, that fleeting and ever changing freedom will never bring lasting happiness or contentment. Thus, why take it so seriously or at all?

Personal freedoms are forever colliding with one another creating enmity, hatreds, conflicts, and wars. I heartily recommend experimenting with the opposite: going with the flow, being flexible, self-sacrifice, seeking the happiness of others, giving without thought of return.

No human life has ever avoided the opposites of pain and pleasure, success and failure, being accepted and being rejected, having an abundance versus having to little. Thus, why put out great effort or feel badly about any of it--it all passes--it is all ephemeral existence--dream fro which to awaken.

The world needs both liberalness and conservativeness in service to real values. Neither proves useful when serving illusory values.

As you well know, both parties are essentially now serving a few "control freaks." If one chooses to do what he can to support lasting values, rather than identify with the phony sides the PTB with their media puppets play up, one can take a real stand on Truth as one sees it. There lies self-fulfillment.

Anonymous said...

No offense performs, but you missed the point entirely.

performs said...

Jerry, I just had to share this newly posted essay for your consideration, as it considers alternatives to the private property paradigm that has taken hold of world's attitudes toward relationship with everything and everyone. Here is the link:
http://baynvc.blogspot.com/2013/10/gandhi-trusteeship-and-commons.html#more

I hope you will all it a try.

Anonymous said...

performs, I'll read it, but remember I am a former New Ager. Not a superficial New Ager, but a true believer for nine years. I can spot New Age thinking a mile away. You don't hear the term mentioned as much nowadays, but the ideas are the same. "A rose by any other name", etc. I have been exposed to many arguments in favor of Marxism, or communalism, or whatever one may wish to call it. One more won't hurt. The problem is that New Agers, most of whom are political progressives, and non-New Agers live in very different perceptual worlds. Believe it or not, I used to think much the way that you do. But, thank God, I awoke from the deception.

performs said...

Jerry, is it possible describe what convinces you that you awakened from a deception rather than traded one deception for another?

"The human race has improved everything, but the human race."
Adlai E. Stevenson

"I believe that if we really want human brotherhood to spread and increase until it makes life safe and sane, we must also be certain that there is no one true faith or path by which it may spread."
Adlai E. Stevenson

Anonymous said...

No, performs. Everyone has to figure the conundrum out for themselves. I hope that you are able to escape the Maze. Stevenson's first quote is right on. But, his second quote reveals that he didn't have a clue. Too bad for him. By the way, it would freak you out if you could read some of my writings during my New Age days. I sounded just like you do. Espoused the same things, etc. Like I said, I am so glad that I escaped that web of deceit.

performs said...

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into." -Jonathan Swift

Anonymous said...

Precisely...

performs said...

Another recent find: The English writer, Charles Lamb, said one day, "I hate that man." "But you don't know him, " a listener objected. "Of course I don't," said Lamb. "Do you think I could possibly hate a man I know?"

Louis XV Teatard said...

Apr├Ęs moi, le Deluge!

Anonymous said...

Clever quote from Charles Lamb. I hate certain ideas because I feel that they are destructive, not people. I could never personally deny anyone medical treatment, or food, etc. I wouldn't be so down on socialism if it weren't for the fact that there is a tendency for governments to devolve from socialism to Marxism. If it were not for that, I don't have much of an argument against socialism... as long a there is a cap on taxation. If I could know for sure our drift to socialism would never become Marxism, I would chill on the issue. Some believe that it is a foregone conclusion that when a capitalist society begins to become socialistic, eventual full-blown Marxism necessarily follows. I don't know whether that is true or not. One problem with socialism is that there is a tendency for the safety net to become a hammock and to produce multi-generational dependency on government. That problem can be dealt with by making welfare payments contingent upon the recipient's efforts to become trained or educated to become gainfully employed, and then to get a job. If they are healthy and just deadbeats they must be removed from welfare as it will eventually make them completely dependent. This is how liberals have created the huge underclass in this country. The politicians are more interested in buying votes through handouts than in developing human potential. This is a big reason that I stand four-square against liberalism.

Molly the House Stenographer said...

You cannot serve two masters!

He will NOT be mocked!

performs said...

Jerry, my understanding is that we are all in this “show” together, thus, blame for the miseries and inequities of life cannot be placed on any one individual or group. The Charles Lamb anecdote to me is about each of us possessing a unique mix of strengths and weakness, the substantive and the shadow sides.
As long as the world remains primarily in the grip of the self-interest, every-man-for-himself, rugged individualism pardigm, all (rich/poor, lucky/unfortunate, etc) will contribute toward the problems that arise and ultimately their solutions. This requires broad critical reasoning. For example, can we expect that “making welfare payments contingent upon the recipient's efforts to become trained or educated to become gainfully employed, and then to get a job” will resolve the issue without seeing to motivating the public and private job creators to provide jobs and services that are sufficient to meet basic needs? And are not consumers and citizens not responsible for supporting the public and private institutions and organizations that deliver what is needed, and rejecting those who only concern themselves with their own personal gain? The rules must encourage a fairer sharing of resources. of course if our hearts demanded it, we would comply without rules.
Our ego-minds will trick us, hopefully temporarily, in identifying any healthy, unemployed person as a deadbeat, but we really need a lot more information into their history, before making such judgments. After that consideration, tolerance and forgiveness play important facets toward living in harmony, creatively solving all of life’s problems and learning all of its lessons.
We have what it takes to accomplish this. Deciding, once and for all, to do it (go for it) no matter what, this is the essential element for making what is impossibly difficult into something easy. What will motivate each and all to make such a decision? For me it is as I become utterly fed up with the results of the current worldly paradigms. It is then a matter of questioning the conventional thinking patterns and values.

Anonymous said...

Molly, I concur, but we do still have to live in this world until it is time to leave. The only way that I can see to get around serving two masters would be to get out of politics altogether and live a cloistered religious life. A truly righteous, godly man wouldn't last a week in politics.
performs, the only ones who are truly free of self-interest are dead people. Your beloved liberals are every bit as filled with self-interest as conservatives. Liberals just play a good line of bullshit when they ever speak of altruism. The name of the game in this world is not helping others, it is acquisition of power, wealth, and control. Only very saintly people truly shun and escape this game. For example, liberal icon Al Gore is supposed to be worth something like $500 million. If cap and trade passes, he will become a multi-billionaire due to his majority interest in what may one day be America's first carbon trading exchange (a complete scam). He currently owns at least five homes, two of which are mansions. One year his mansion in Nashville consumed almost a quarter of a million kilowatts. I believe that the average family's annual usage is something around 16,000 kilowatts And, he has a private jet to boot. But, no liberals seem to have a problem with his wealth (along with countless other mega-wealthy liberals). They just despise the conservatives that are rich. Gore encourages us all to live simply in order to produce a small carbon footprint. Never mind that his carbon footprint may be one of the largest in the world. Do you detect at least a tad of hypocrisy here? I didn't think so...the liberal filter is always on. The problem with your lofty philosophizing is that it just doesn't comport with reality. Yes, it would be wonderful if everyone were spiritually perfect and we could prance around in pink tutus throwing rose petals everywhere. No offense, but you appear to be quite ignorant of human nature. And, don't give me the bull that we will eventually evolve out of our inborn selfishness and carnality. There is only one cure for that and I will not bring it up on this blog. Cast pearls before swine and they will turn and rend you.

Anonymous said...

Molly, I concur, but we do still have to live in this world until it is time to leave. The only way that I can see to get around serving two masters would be to get out of politics altogether and live a cloistered religious life. A truly righteous, godly man wouldn't last a week in politics.
performs, the only ones who are truly free of self-interest are dead people. Your beloved liberals are every bit as filled with self-interest as conservatives. Liberals just play a good line of bullshit when they ever speak of altruism. The name of the game in this world is not helping others, it is acquisition of power, wealth, and control. Only very saintly people truly shun and escape this game. For example, liberal icon Al Gore is supposed to be worth something like $500 million. If cap and trade passes, he will become a multi-billionaire due to his majority interest in what may one day be America's first carbon trading exchange (a complete scam). He currently owns at least five homes, two of which are mansions. One year his mansion in Nashville consumed almost a quarter of a million kilowatts. I believe that the average family's annual usage is something around 16,000 kilowatts And, he has a private jet to boot. But, no liberals seem to have a problem with his wealth (along with countless other mega-wealthy liberals). They just despise the conservatives that are rich. Gore encourages us all to live simply in order to produce a small carbon footprint. Never mind that his carbon footprint may be one of the largest in the world. Do you detect at least a tad of hypocrisy here? I didn't think so...the liberal filter is always on. The problem with your lofty philosophizing is that it just doesn't comport with reality. Yes, it would be wonderful if everyone were spiritually perfect and we could prance around in pink tutus throwing rose petals everywhere. No offense, but you appear to be quite ignorant of human nature. And, don't give me the bull that we will eventually evolve out of our inborn selfishness and carnality. There is only one cure for that and I will not bring it up on this blog. Cast pearls before swine and they will turn and rend you.

Anonymous said...

Molly, I concur, but we do still have to live in this world until it is time to leave. The only way that I can see to get around serving two masters would be to get out of politics altogether and live a cloistered religious life. A truly righteous, godly man wouldn't last a week in politics.
performs, the only ones who are truly free of self-interest are dead people. Your beloved liberals are every bit as filled with self-interest as conservatives. Liberals just play a good line of bullshit when they ever speak of altruism. The name of the game in this world is not helping others, it is acquisition of power, wealth, and control. Only very saintly people truly shun and escape this game. For example, liberal icon Al Gore is supposed to be worth something like $500 million. If cap and trade passes, he will become a multi-billionaire due to his majority interest in what may one day be America's first carbon trading exchange (a complete scam). He currently owns at least five homes, two of which are mansions. One year his mansion in Nashville consumed almost a quarter of a million kilowatts. I believe that the average family's annual usage is something around 16,000 kilowatts And, he has a private jet to boot. But, no liberals seem to have a problem with his wealth (along with countless other mega-wealthy liberals). They just despise the conservatives that are rich. Gore encourages us all to live simply in order to produce a small carbon footprint. Never mind that his carbon footprint may be one of the largest in the world. Do you detect at least a tad of hypocrisy here? I didn't think so...the liberal filter is always on. The problem with your lofty philosophizing is that it just doesn't comport with reality. Yes, it would be wonderful if everyone were spiritually perfect and we could prance around in pink tutus throwing rose petals everywhere. No offense, but you appear to be quite ignorant of human nature. And, don't give me the bull that we will eventually evolve out of our inborn selfishness and carnality. There is only one cure for that and I will not bring it up on this blog. Cast pearls before swine and they will turn and rend you.

Anonymous said...

Molly, I concur 100%, but one can battle liberalism without being guilty of serving two masters. I don't believe that we are called to live under tyranny.
Performs, it indeed would be a wonderful world if everyone were completely spiritually developed, but we (the entirety of the human race) are abysmally far from that. It takes a regenerated human spirit to truly grow in spirituality. The rest is so much spitting into the wind. Philosophy will get us no where. Using philosophy to fundamentally change human nature is like trying to stop a tidal wave by reasoning with it. Your reasoning should improve as your understanding of human nature grows and as you discover the only effective way to deal with it.

performs said...

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” --Rabindranath Tagore

Anonymous said...

Yes, Tagore's statement is true. Why not present that teaching to our criminal government and see if they will have a 'Eureka' moment and change all their ways to honesty, service, love and light? Serial killers might even swoon over this wisdom and decide to become choir boys, the Oligarchy may quit trying to confiscate the wealth of the Earth, Satan might even be brought to repentance. That statement could revolutionize life as we know it. I'll wait with bated breath to see if all of this takes place. Come to think of it, maybe you could be a UN ambassador and change all of mankind for the better. Go for it. Personally, your profundity lifts me to previously unknown heights of supernal joy. Maybe many others will join us. Who knows, maybe someday we could have a global 'bunch hunch' and sing Kumbaya together. The possibilities are endless. Thanks for your words of wisdom. I am deadly serious about this.