Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Starring George Bush as James Dean

I stumbled upon some psychological insight into the chuckleheaded mass of protoplasm known as George Bush. I was watching him cross the White House lawn after getting off of his helicopter, making those inane hand wiggling motions he uses for a wave, and then he did something that looked sophomoric but vaguely familiar. He held his hand out, palm down, and made a scooping, circular motion that ended up as some type of greeting. I knew I had seen it in the distant past, but I couldn't quite remember where until it occurred to me that it was the wave James Dean used in two different movies, most notably "Giant." I used to think it was cool, and did the scoop wave myself until I outgrew it in the seventh grade. It was then that I realized; "This dumb son of a bitch thinks he's James Dean."

To prove my theory, we acquired a copy of "Giant," the George Stevens four hour soap opera of the Edna Ferber book, and it views like the George W. Bush story. You can almost picture George in 1956, wearing his coonskin cap, mesmerized by the big screen's version of the Lone Star state. Filmed in Marfa, Texas, "Giant" is the huge, sprawling tale of the Benedict Ranch, starring Rock Hudson and Liz Taylor as the ranch's proprietors, and James Dean as the ne'er-do-well roustabout Jet Rink. Jordan Benedict (Rock) lives on the ranch with his silver-haired sister, Luzz, (read: Barr), who is Rink's benefactor and surrogate mother. She even looks like Barbara Bush and has a bad temper and an intolerant streak for Mexicans, to whom she refers to as "those people." Luzz pampers Rink/Dean, but surrogate daddy Rock wants him the hell out of there. When Luzz dies, she leaves Jet a small parcel on the larger ranch which he calls "Little Reata," just like "Arbusto Oil."

Surrogate Dad is a successful, old-school cattle man, but Jet wants to be a wildcatter, and sure enough, he strikes oil, which leads to one of the films memorable scenes. Jet drives his jalopy right up to the big house and tells Jordan, "I'm a richun', I'm going to be even richer than you." It gets stranger when Jordan and Leslie (Liz) have twins, just like the Bushes, and they name one of the girls Luzz after the silver-haired old bat, just like George and Laura named one of their daughters Barbara. The good son, played by Dennis Hopper, doesn't want to work the ranch and runs off to marry a Mexican woman, just like Jeb Bush. Remember when the elder Bushes referred to their grandchildren as "the little brown ones?" It's right there in "Giant." Even Georgie's Oedipal struggle with Dad is portrayed by Jet Rink's crush on Jordan Benedict's wife, Leslie, who's too good for him.

In the movie's conclusion, Jet Rink gets drunk and passes out at his own testimonial dinner, showing all of Texas that he does what he damn well pleases. Just like the dry drunk George Bush, who's manic antics have made him the Global Village Idiot, and caused international ridicule and shame over the morally and emotionally bankrupt child we elected as our president. Jet Rink, like George Bush, believed that money could buy him respectability. Poppy's money and assorted henchman even made Georgie the President, but respectability alludes him. He is still the oafish, immature cowboy, Jet Rink, and nobody tells him what to do. For Bush's first forty years, he imitated the fast cars, boozing lifestyle of James Dean. That's what caught the attention of Karl Rove and made him believe he could make Bush president. Only, James Dean wrapped his race car around a tree and made an early exit. George just got a DUI. Had Dean lived to see George the Jackass assume his mannerisms and his dress, he might have concluded what everyone else has by now; that George W. Bush is a punk-ass chump.


Anonymous said...

Be careful Randy, they know where you live.Peace

Anonymous said...

Randy Haspel as Sputnik Monroe.

Now who's a dumb ass? Just because liberals posess an education, they think that makes them smarter than everybody else, and as always THEY can do anything without anyone saying a thing about it. I bet you are a control freak. Control your woman, control your friends, your household, etc.
I whish I could see the look on your face when Obamah screws up this nation royally. You will be the 'supreme' dumbass then. But probably know one will care to call you that or even comment. We'll all be too busy trying to stay alive and eat.

Anonymous said...

RIGHT YOU ARE MR.SOLIE (Gordon that is). Randy,your research is proof positive. You've done your work well. Yes, you've exposed "The Idiot Wanna Be Bush"rx.

Anonymous said...

Good one Randy! I LOL!

Who's the anonymous guy with the "dumb ass" remark, and why is he reading you? He should be tuned to Fox News.


gregg said...

Just read your most recent. The psychopathology of the President of the United States.....I think you've done some thoughtful research. As far as GWBush is concerned, we'll watch his days wind out and then he'll never be heard from again, in any meaningful way. No one will want to associate with this guy and, who knows, he may end up the way he
started. I have trouble holding myself back from not wanting a bad outcome for him, but I honestly believe that would be truly wrong of me. He's in the wrong job and didn't have a chance at being good at it. Not a chance. He lacks the IQ required to deal with the complexities and because attention to nuance is essential when other people's lives, and other peoples' children's lives are on the line, he was doomed to failure. Remember this guy was voted for by 53 million Americans. The real cast of clowns are those folks. He's just their unflattering face......and the faces of the hundreds of thousands of people, over 4000 of whom were young men and women from this country, were never considered. Too much nuance. What a fucking pity. Man wasted an opportunity to pull most of the world together after 9/11. He was just too stupid, and the guys around him were just too blinded by their own keyhole sized agenda.

As for Obama making things worse. If we're alive 20 years from now, we'll be able to look back at a guy who will be thought of as the second coming of FDR. You watch. He will have done that much for not just this country but for the world. When somebody does something that obviously makes life better in some way for other people those other people tend to think very positively about him/her. You watch.

Thrupence said...

Your beautifully articulated thesis must find the largest possible audience. Please forward to Olbermann, et.al., asap. Also, please get this to "The Economist". If it gets seen in Europe it could help rehabilitate our deservedly tarnished rep. And, if I may, I have two words for your reader who quibbles with the handle "dumb ass" as you apply it to Bush...dumb ass!

You're carrying the torch, Randy, and the light's getting brighter and hotter all the time. Mazltov!


Anonymous said...

so are you saying that George Bush's surrogate father is Rock Hudson? No wonder he's fucked up.

Anonymous said...

somewhere back in Crawford, they're hiding Sal Mineo.

davethedog said...

I agree with Gregg. While we are wasting our time trying to pile on Bush, McCain is slithering belly-down through the jungle and eyeing Obama;s ears for his ear necklace. Bush is a non-issue and will be thought of as Millard Fillmore by history, as best.

So, shall be get to the bidness of electing Barack Hussein Obama! Randy, how about a blog about that?

My suggestion is "just like the Dog, but not so low, like the Hully-Gully, but not so slow".

Any other ideas from you GENIUSES?

looking for a better blog said...


You hatred of George Bush is so off the chart, I don't think even you could back it up with facts. Why don't you just get over it and stop wasting your talents on insulting him. Is it because it's "safe" and plays to your liberal friends. Do something contructive with your life. I think you are better than wearing this tired old liberal argument. Is it because you have nothing better to offer????????

randy said...

But I like insulting him.

Anonymous said...

I dont usually do this because I dont like to argue but I had to tell you how much i enjoyed your article in the flyer. We are again in very important times and what we do know will have unimagainable consequences. Thankyou for apealing to reason. Watching the Obama infomercial tonite brought tears to my eyes as the possiblities swelled in my heart. I believe that we are watching the blossoming of our greatest leader and I will hold him in white light for the rest of my life to help keep him safe from those who are blind to it. It is always good the listen to another voice of reason. I have always enjoyed your music.

K.Dunn said...

i'd hate to see bush using any of dean's mannerisms.
bush can go fuck himself.