Do you think there's an office in the White House where someone's job is to sit there and make up this crap? Now, the administration reports that the Bush and Maliki governments have agreed on a "time horizon," for the withdrawal of US troops. Who's their sloganeer, H.G. Wells? How long do they expect the American people to buy this brand of bullshit? After trotting out slogans like "The new way forward," "Return on success," and "We'll stand down when they stand up," you would believe that Bush's message was controlled by a slick, Madison avenue-type advertising agency. If you believed that, you would be correct. Somewhere in the White House is a large storeroom for janitorial supplies where Frank Luntz lurks in the semi-darkness, laboring over a computerized thesaurus to find softer language to describe the crimes of the Bush administration. In Frank Luntz's world, Bush is "making love" to the country.
Luntz, a Republican pollster and language doctor for corporate interests, takes credit for changing the administration's position of total denial of global warming, to owning up that there has been somewhat of a "climate change." And rather than have the Oil Twins, Bush and Cheney, and their surrogates going around advocating drilling for oil in the Gulf of Mexico or otherwise offshore, Luntz suggested they say that they are in favor of local "energy exploration," and if it's near someones beach vacation spot, it's merely "deep sea energy exploration." What could possibly be wrong with that? It's not like oil spewing into our scenic shores from a pipeline break, it's just looking for energy. Luntz has appeared on every cable show from "Hardball," to "Real Time with Bill Maher," and I have some language to describe his appearance; "toupee challenged," or "the man with the coonskin hair." Hey pal, just admit your bald and get a decent piece. Then tell people you do it for your own psychological well-being and not theirs. It always worked for me.
This applies to the other "Orwellian" language that Luntz has defended in the past as a good thing; "Compassionate Conservative," "Homeland Security," "The Surge," and now the Star Trek-like, "Time Horizon." Has anyone referred to their country as the "Homeland" since the Nazis? The "surge" was just an escalation of troops, and "Time Horizon," is something you wish you had George Carlin still around to deal with. He might say something like, "Time is a human creation to measure our days, and since our days are transitory, and maybe our race too, time is an illusion. The 'Horizon,' is at least something you can see, but it still depends on conceptual human belief. You can start walking towards the horizon and drown before you ever get there. In other words, it's all total bullshit, and it's bad for ya'."
Now the bullshit torch has been passed to John McCain. To hear him tell it, the "surge" was such an enormous success that it has allowed us to "win" in our fight for Iraqi democracy and the right for them to sell us oil. If that's the case, in the words of Pooty Tang, "Let's wrap this shit up, G," declare the war over and won, and withdraw the troops. McCain instead, while his political rival is out of the country on a trip that McCain goaded him into taking, has decided to impugn Obama's personal ethics by saying, "He would rather lose a war in order to win a political campaign." I understand Karl Rove is currently advising the McCain campaign but, have they gone insane? Is McCain so aggrieved at Obama's popularity that he is now planning to employ the entire Bush Bullshit Battalion to attack his loyalty?
McCain the "maverick" is gone, replaced by McCain the "new sheriff," who "knows how to win wars." Which war is he refering to? "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." Wesley Clark caught a lot of flack for saying being a prisoner of war is not a presidential qualification, but if you consider McCain's role, had his plane not been shot down by the North Vietnamese, he would have just been another silent, and anonymous, killer in the night. The period of McCain's captivity assured that he missed the profound sociological changes that took place as a result of the Vietnam War, and he returned, a war hero to be sure, but with the same militaristic mindset with which he left the Naval Academy. It's ironic that the non-soldier Obama's assessments about the Middle-East were castigated as "appeasement" by the same administration that now embraces his ideas,(only using their own clumsy, self-serving linguistics), while the old soldier McCain is hung out to dry and left to defend his Nixonian visions of "winning with honor" on his own. There is no honor in withdrawing forces from a country that you have invaded and occupied for six years.
If Frank Luntz and Karl Rove can brainstorm some slogans for John McCain's hardline views, they'd better do better than "Time Horizon." They should call back Peggy Noonan to refer to Baghdad as, "A shining city in the sand, at least for a few hours a day," or, "Last chance for cheap gas." If the rest of Obama's Middle East trip goes as well as the opening week, perhaps the message masseurs should refocus their attention on the Bush legacy. I know the plans for the library are underway and the Bush Cult is concerned about how history will refer to Junior. Like Luntz, I was in the word business too, as a lyricist for popular music, and I've created some epithets that history can co-opt when referencing our lamest of lame duck presidents. 1) "George the Terrible" 2) "Bush the Merciless," and my personal favorite, 3) "George the Scourge." That's what's in my "time horizon," along with maybe, "Inmate Cheney." Keep hope alive.